28 May 2008

George Lucas Needs A Nanny

I saw the latest Indiana Jones movie tonight and, well, most of the reviews I've read are spot-on: it's an entertaining movie with several major flaws. First, the posi spin: I'd go so far as to say 2/3s of the movie are pretty damn good. This is an action movie, not an existential thought-provoker so as long as you can set aside a little disbelief you'll be with 'em all the way. Harrison Ford is predictably great and even gets an, "I've got a bad feeling about this...", line in there (+2 for that). The rest of the actors were mediocre at best, though I had heard as much so kept my expectations low.
It's only at the end--which I won't bother spoiling--that everything implodes. The plot is ridiculous, I mean even for this type of movie it's poor.... Sorry, I just completely lost my train of thought because I'm too eager to bash on how George Lucas's Bags of Money (GLBOM) has ruined all of his own franchises because he's a fucking idiot. Everybody recognizes that he sullied the original Star Wars trilogy with excessive re-editing and CGI and galaxy help us if he decides to turn on the original Indiana Jones trilogy. Dude, there are fucking CGI prairie dogs in this for absolutely no reason. The ant swarm I could handle, as an early precedent for a preponderance of killer fauna was set with snakes (see Lost Ark, Raiders of the). Oh, and there's a pointless monkey chase scene as well. I'm sure that SeƱor Spielbergo helped temper George's toddler-brained attempts to insert cutesy shit everywhere (to the detriment of children worldwide), but not nearly enough. That's like an eleven-year old "assisting" a four-year old with their "art project".

I'm wordless now. No more movies for me this year. It costs $12 to go see a movie now, that's what I'm upset about. If I paid six dollars to see this I think I'd feel better. These guys have raked in, what, $330 million so far? meh.

1 comment:

noga said...

well said, sir. i feel the same way.

if to put on my obnoxious film nerd goggles for a moment, one might say lucas is suffering from a hard case of 'heaven's gate' syndrome, where a director makes something brilliant in the youth of his career and then overwhelmed by ridiculous amounts of money and power spends the rest of his life destroying it.

before you swear off movies forever you should come see 'sex and the city' with us! NY Times calls it "a tranny assisting a flamingly gay guy with their "art project". and by art project, of course, i mean vagina.