05 April 2006

Storming the Poop Deck - PIRATES

2005
digital playground
dir. joone
starring
jesse jane (tm dp)(???)
carmen luvana
janine
teagan presley
devon
austyn moore
jenaveve jolie
tommy gunn
evan stone
steven st. croix
scott nails
kris slater



this adults only feature flick came to me in dvd bundled with my Enjoy Jenna Jameson tee shirt, and a fresh deck of spread 'em poker style cards. lavish looking cardboard confirms three discs full of bleached blonde, bought breasted, ragtag, fuck-folly (the third disc is the main program in High Definition). and yet it took me a few days to get into, and fully grasp what kind of beast had ridden through the hearts of men.

everything good about what made mainstream porn golden in the seventies is re-exemplified without the hair-trigger. evan stone's meandering bumbling staccato delivers max massimo's well written, funny lines in an admirably camp tenor. his character's main worry is that he will or won't capture, run into, defeat, or fall at the hands of one Vincent Scagnetti (Gunn), the mean-spirited ancient traveller, and captor of one Isabella (Luvana), newlywed, incumbant lesbian sprite. The story is so good for an actual bad movie (I've suffered far worse - these actors play into having such a good time, and they all have the look in their eye, that, at the end of the day, I'm just here for fucking look. It's great.) that I've watched this film without the porn scenes, making it the gayest pornography that I own. Disregarding all that other gay pornography...

As for the sex on film, it's explosive, if not a little quick, flash-in-the-pan, underexploited imo. Devin takes an Evan Stone hammering like that gremlin in the blender. You remember that! I'm serious, I think I make similar sounds every time I see it. Jesse Jane can suck a dick sideways till Tuesday suffers sunburn. She's a pro - get used to it (I really can't...)! Steven St. Croix hams up an actor's dream part, creaming all over the place, swearing, cussing, playing romantic, overdramatic wails, and exhuberant speaches. It's staggering, he nails it. Janine fucks some compassion into Tommy Gunns face before he plows her from behind over a dinner setting. Lovely.

- Behind the Scenes, Bloopers, Casting Videos, Trailers, Bios, Photos, F-X Making of.., Audio Commentary with Jesse Jane, Janine, Carmen Luvana, Tommy Gunn, Joone -

Music, Pirates, Humor, Pirates, Sex, Suck Cock, Fuck, Sex, Humor, Pirates, Skelatons, Indian Monks, Pirates, Lesbians, Lungfuck, Pirates, Yargh!

1 comment:

Farhydt said...

Is it Victor Scagnetti?

I'll get on that.