Bust Out Yr Tape Decks, The Dead Hand Is Here

Good ol' boy and local low-end superstar Tony Gedrich (he of STATS, Extra Life & Archaeopteryx notoriety) has a new cassette tape label called Damage Rituals. Forget vinyl as a lasting medium, you can put these mothers in your pocket (unless you're a giant fat person in which case you'll have to eat a few of those Snickers first) and have a legit excuse to use the forlorn and jilted ghetto blaster that's sitting in your closet.


Mr. Gedrich teamed up with John Delzoppo of Cleveland's Clan of the Cave Bear and put together Dead Hand: Human Machines: a righteous mix of 27 wacked out, awesome bands for your listening nightmares. Some of these bands I knew already but now there are a bunch more I'm going to have to check out because ALL of these tracks are awesome. That's right, there isn't a stinker among them. I'm not going to list all the bands and link to them—everyone is listed on the Damage Rituals myspace page—but among the greats here are VAZ, Yukon, Animal, Zs, Child Abuse and Drunkdriver.

If you're looking for mp3s or any shit like that you're outta luck. This is all magnetic tape lovingly contained in beautiful plastic: material of the future! It sounds like a tape, plays like a tape and if you treat it badly, it will unspool all over your significant other's leg (if you have one, which I highly doubt). Go dig $6.50 out of your digital couch before Billy Mays screams at you from the great beyond and paypal that shit to Tony & John, you will not be disappointed.

Incredible Fireworks Crotch Fail

Oh man, this is great, just in time for the holiday!




via the consistently incredible Sportress of Blogitude [SoB]

Sixty Symbols (of Physics & Astronomy)

Tonight I got one of the best assignments I've so far received writing for Tilzy.tv (My review is now up here); I got turned onto Sixty Symbols. A project by Brady Haran, filmmaker-in-residence at Nottingham Science City, Sixty Symbols is a series of short primers that explain the significance of some of the most important concepts in physics and astronomy. Let me tell you it's absolutely fascinating and completely brilliant. At the moment I've only had the time to watch a few of these (and there are still more being produced), but I'll be spending an inordinate amount of my upcoming free time checking the rest out.

To get a taste watch this one one Jupiter:

Margaret Atwood - Year of the Flood

Have you read Oryx & Crake yet? Well you have until September 22 to pull your head out of your ass and digest it. And while you're at it start taking survival courses because, if civilization continues to head in its current direction, we'll all be needing them. Atwood's near future feels a lot like the one whose soundtrack was written by GodspeedYou!BlackEmperor.

The coasts have drowned, deserts have expanded, urban zones have devolved into ghettoized brownfields and the upper echelons of society dwell in fear behind the heavily-surveiled walls of scattered corporate compounds. Governments are no longer relevant, if they even exist. Here, in the compounds, the brains work towards creating a plasticized, genetically-altered "utopia". To anyone who has read Oryx & Crake this landscape and the horror of the book's finale is all too familiar.

While Jimmy and Glenn (of O&C notoriety) play out their destinies in the compounds, out in the "pleeblands"—the decimated, near-anarchic urban wastes—the tales within the Year of the Flood are being fleshed out. They reveal, over the course of twenty-five years, the first-person accounts of several people affiliated to various degrees with God's Gardeners, a religious sect whose leader, Adam One, has perfected a sort of squatter-punk synthesis of deep ecology and gnostic christianity. The gardeners are trying to preserve an unadulterated human relationship with nature and its mysteries, however misguided it may at first appear, though they may be the last hope when the technological world collapses.

Margaret Atwood, being Margaret Atwood, is going to make you think and at the same time make you incredibly uncomfortable with your own beliefs. Think religion is a sham and a waste of human energy? Prepare to loathe Adam One for his blatant hippie charlatanism whilst agreeing with some of the more radical tenets of the gardeners and the revelations of their theology. As an atheist who makes solid attempts to live in an ecologically-sound manner, this all gave me fits.

Fits are all well and good, but what about the causes of this near-future societal and natural collapse? Humans are clearly to blame, but not necessarily for the reasons so many would argue presently. Sure, warnings about climate change went unheeded as did those of overreliance on technological innovation to solve human problems. The main culprit of our problems has been an inexhaustible hubris; that we think we can outsmart and manipulate nature as we study its ways. There is clearly value in learning, studying and admiring nature and its processes, but it's when we begin to think we can control for an outcome we desire that the hydra appears.

Just as today too many people have an uncomfortable—if not downright hostile—attitude towards the presence of chaos in nature, Atwood's future of the "waterless flood" (which is better understood if you're already familiar with Oryx & Crake) is a security nightmare on account of this obsessive-compulsive disorder, much like if the first world suddenly plunged into the third. Frankly, the scenarios outlined here don't seem that far-fetched because there's no reason why it won't happen. Do-gooder organizations are constantly trying to plan for this type of future, but this future cannot be planned for and that is THE problem to which humanity has to acclimitize.

The easiest thing to do, of which I'm certainly guilty, is to laugh and shrug off the corny pseudo-religio-environmental spiritualists because most of their philosophies are half-baked and specious. However, as is clear with God's Gardeners there is merit in such philosophies (hence a major reason why religions are still around) because they allow people to act even when they don't fully understand why they're acting. If this makes sense then it should be clear why I was having fits and yet loving this book at the same time.

I'm not sure the last time I felt so completely intellectually challenged by a book that, simultaneously, so fully entertained me. There is constant action—often with disgustingly violent outcomes—and the ending never gives itself away, suspense building until the finale. This "review" does so little justice to a book that I hope receives major plaudits when it hits shelves. We were lucky enough to get an advance copy at work and I took my time reading it because I didn't really want it to end. I just read Oryx & Crake a few months ago and that blew me away. Now this arrives as a sort of companion volume. I'm not sure how they're going to market it, but it stands alone as a novel and there doesn't seem to be any indication that it will be marketed in connection with O&C.

So mark your calendars for September 22. I have to stop rambling because this will just get more and more disjointed if I continue. Margaret Atwood, you are an absolute genius. The type of genius that crushes my spirit by writing the best goddamn book (fiction or poetry) possible that, yet, inspires me to wrack my brain for something 1/10 as worthwhile and hope it means something to someone. Bravo. Again.

Utter Negligence...And 2 Awesome Shows

Please forgive me, for though I did see a modern dance performance last night—putting me in the running for "Most Cultured Knuckledragger" on this here internet (Though, sadly, not on that other internet.)—I've otherwise been a lazy and a boring person. However, I'm pleased to report two upcoming shows that are probably gonna rock like that ancient Yucutan metor that killed everything. Go to them.

Tonight, June 17
Cake Shop, 152 Ludlow St.
8:00 pm
$7

Animal — Do they write that? Is that improv? Are you...you're dancing again. Well I'll be...
Upsilon Acrux — groovin' spastic LA robotparty rock'n'roll
Multitudes — I don't know anything about these guys, but I'm intrigued.

(i think that's the correct order, with Animal headlining.)


Tomorrow, June 18
Death By Audio, 49 S.2nd St Williamsburg (btw Kent & Wythe)
8:00 pm
$ ?cheap, though

STATS — one of my personal favorites, they've got a new ep out.
Upsilon Acrux — see above. go see them twice, it'll be worth it.
Clan of the Cave Bear — i wish this would have been the soundtrack to that awful old movie

(again, pretty sure STATS is headlining this one)

So now you have no excuse to stay indoors; even I am going outside. And then back inside for rad music. Oooh, this is exciting! You know what else is exciting? Good modern dance. Yeah, and I'm not just saying that because I have a vested personal interest in the matter. I'm actually looking forward to going to another one. I'll leave it at that lest some fanatic assail me for shattering his/her illusions of my crapulent twit-dom.

STATS - Marooned

Lately I've been waiting for that awesome big something to come along, smack the last of the awful sickness I've had out of my face (I was down for the count with who-knows-what for a week) and, by extension, give me something actually sick to write about. Thursday comes along and in my emailbox appears a note from the STATS dudes offering up their latest e.p., Marooned.

Not so many weekends ago, while hanging out with bassist Tony Gedrich (who also plays in Extra Life, worth checking out), Tony busted out the unmastered recordings. A bunch of us rocked out to them and probably drooled a little more than Tony was expecting, so I had baseline expectation of what I was gonna hear. Also, STATS has been playing this stuff for their past few live shows, but one can never quite be sure how it's all going to transition from the live set to the recorded tapes.

Well I can now unequivocally state that this three-song, 19 minute e.p. is bloody-nose inducing. They really cranked the low-end here for maximum womp. There's no way to say this without sounding like a total tool, but STATS is fucking groovy. Groovy math. You wanna get a bunch of epileptics with Tourettes to boogie? This is the perfect band for that. Give them earplugs, too, because it's necessary.

Big dumb smiling, mouth-breathing, gut-evisceratin' jazz tunes. These guys are friends of mine and perhaps the nicest guys around and always a hoot to play shows with; I've called them the most underrated band in Brooklyn and I stand by that. STATS creates the most thouroughly thought out goofball music that's not actually goofy or stupid, but just what awesome rock 'n' roll music should be. For thinkin' folks. Mischievously dark and, yet, positive. It's gonna give your kids their first cigarette, show 'em dirty magazines and help with homework just to keep on your good side. Because they look like good kids and yours shouldn't be hanging around with those dirty long hairs down the street with the illegal firecrackers.

Not murderers or rapists!

So now that I've said all this crap, how do you get your hands on Marooned? At the moment they have it available for free download, all you have to do is email them at [statsbrooklyn at gmail.com] and they'll send you the link. Then go donate some money to them for their efforts (paypal info will be in the email) because they put way too much effort into making these awesome songs extra awesome. To get a feel for what this is all about visit their myspace where they've posted the track "Yo King". I dare you to try and get it out of your head. I also dare you to figure out how they piece their songs together because, frankly, I find the prospect of an actual answer too daunting and frigtening to ask them.

These Dirk Nowitzki Photos Were Rather Prescient After All

My friend Stefan has long had a major mancrush on Dirk Nowitzki and a few years ago was lucky enough to meet the big German personally. Stefan's family has deep ties with the local Ukrainian community and during the summers they have lots of interesting cultural events out in various rural spots outside the city. One of these events is a sort of "Tranny Prom" that, while unfamiliar to most Americans, remains a cherished—and rather progressive!—part of Ukrainian culture.
When Stefan asked Dirk if he would join him for the festivities he, apparently (and this is just Stefan's word), was delighted. These kind of events are pretty big in Germany, too, and not at all something he'd been able to do much since coming to the states. Stefan's parents got some photos, of course, and though I'm sure he didn't want all his friends to see them, his sister posted some on her Facebook profile.
What does this have to do with anything, you ask? Well, today ESPN.com featured this headline that, contextually, seemed to make no sense:

Report: Tests show Nowitzki woman pregnant

"Whoa, who does the editing over there, eh?" Yeah, seems silly! However, for the few of us in the know, this is hardly a surprising revelation and unfortunately for Stefan, he seems to have blown his chance at being the father of a future "gigantic great white basketball hope".

Kids In The Hall - Potato Salad

I've been watching the NHL Playoffs on some feed from Canada. 1) I love that the commentators are so polite with one another; they're very agreeable (one of them is even named "Gord"!). 2) Listening to them and then seeing the Canadian commercials has made me nostalgic for my formative years:

Powell To The People!

Yesterday I had the good—and random—fortune of meeting actor Keith Powell when he came into my store looking for an Edward Albee play (I forget which one now). You may recognize him from 30 Rock and/or Law & Order and/or some commercials, but I recognized him because I wrote the review of his hilarious web series Keith Powell Directs A Play for my Tilzy.tv gig.

Normally I don't try to chat up the celebrities that come into the bookstore, but since I had a "personal connection" I felt it was a no-brainer. He seemed genuinely enthused that I had liked his little pet project (and probably also that I recognized him) and told me that he's waiting to hear back about financing for a possible second season of KPDAP. It was one of those "Hey, people can be really cool!" moments that kinda made my day. In return I thought I'd try to spread the word about Mr. Powell's talents, so go check out his website, www.PowelltothePeople.net, where you can find a bunch of shorts he's done. In the meantime, get started on KPDAP right here with the first episode:

I'm An INTRONAUT Fanboy!

This weekend I became calendrically older and, thus, had to drink excessively, which I'm using as my excuse for not posting. But the real reason for my lack of anything lately has mostly been because I've been listening to the same 20 songs over and over again. (I also read Margaret Atwood's Oryx & Crake which was incredible, but as I have the galley of her fall release, Year of the Flood on the way, a future post will be dedicated exclusively to that...).

For some folk listening to the same fists-full of songs is commonplace. Not for yours truly, as I, to keep from "overdoing it", am chronically compulsed to listen to something different (not necessarily new) every couple days. The last two months have been completely different, however, as I have listened to at least 1 Intronaut song per day. I've never done this before, as far as I can recall, even when I had my first musical crush on Dinosaur Jr when I was 13.

I first saw Intronaut in 2006 when they played Rocky's (or Rockstar or "the mermaid bar" or whatever name of the week it had at the time) here in Brooklyn with Mouth of the Architect and a few other bands. For whatever reason I kinda forgot about them until late last summer, just about the time Prehistoricisms came out. Of course, I was unaware and didn't hear that album until January, but by that time had completely digested the Null and Void eps and chewed the cud several times over.

This past weekend, for my birthday, they came through NYC opening for Mastodon alongside Kylesa, though I wasn't there because Mastodon's new album is garbage and a few of us stubbornly refused to get tickets until it was too late. So I missed out on seeing them. Anyway, hopefully they'll be back around this way and I can fully appreciate their extraordinary aurallingus skills live. Maybe someone will make a new music video for one of their songs, say..."The Cavernous Den of Shame". That song is awesome. Here's one for "Australopithecus" done by Sera Timms. It would appear she took filmmaking lessons from Adam Jones (of Tool, not "Pacman" Jones).

Bernie "Pretty" Purdie - 16th note shuffle

Thanks to Chris for this; it'll put a little air in yr high-hat...

Rep. Alcee Hastings Seems Like A Cool Guy

This is awesome. Rep. Alcee Hastings (D-Fl.) reads a bunch of...well, just watch, it's great.



I highly recommend watching the other video in the original post, too. [kissingsuzykolber]

Thoughts to Nurse On: Torche & Harvey Milk

Now that I have secured future passage to the July 26 Torche/Harvey Milk show at MHoW, feel free to go secure your own. Last time I saw Torche was about 3 years ago at the now-defunct Siné. I recall being very impressed, but there was little to indicate at the time of what they would soon be capable. This is exciting, particularly since I'll be missing Intronaut and Kylesa next weekend. I think I've listened to at least one Intronaut song every day for the past month or so. They're gooooood.

(Also, while I'm here, apologies for the lack of posts. Little of public interest has happened to me lately.)

Hammer, Zubaz & Legititude!

Yeah, Yeah, it's been waaaaay to long between posts here, but I've been busy and also (pat on back forthcoming) I got into the New School's creative writing program. Hooray for me! That doesn't justify the non-posting, but I was both excited and not thinking of here.

Anyway, per my usual morning routine I checked out Deadspin this morning to find this post on Hammer's "2 Legit 2 Quit" video. InGameNow put together the lineup of then-stars featured in the video to see how "legit" Hammer's picks were back in 1991. Looks like Hammer was a better judge of ability than of finances (or religious philosophies). As the proud owner of an authentic MC Hammer tshirt (that I wear as regularly as it's washed, which is often) and former youthful owner of several pairs of Zubaz brand pantaloons (apparently they still make these...frightening!), my interest was immediately piqued and my blogmuse (bluse?) beckoned.

What do we find here? Mostly Bay Area athletes and a couple random folks like "Dush" Clemens, Neon Deion and both the Dallas Cowboys and Atlanta Falcons cheerleaders. Hammer also tossed a bone to us white dudes with the Chris Mullin cameo, an awesome pick since I used to rock Mullin's Golden State #17 jersey through most of middle school (along with various flannels that I still possess).

Watch the vid and go check out the Legitness rankings at InGameNow.

New Converge Track

In my roundup of the Converge/Genghis Tron show from last Friday I mentioned that Converge played two new tracks from their upcoming album. Turns out Metal Injection filmed the set and will be posting it in installments, which is pretty rad. Here's one of them, head over there to check out the rest of the set as they get it up (tee hee)...

Converge, Genghis Tron @ Europa, 3/27/09

Last night, as most nights at this Polish dance club-cum-hardcore venue, was an odd one. Six bands on a lineup that featured three who hold their own as headliners. According to the bill there were to be three bands (Ceremony, Rise & Fall, Pulling Teeth) before even Genghis Tron took to the stage. Coliseum was to follow GT and then Converge would top it all off.

A rather large cohort of us pregamed while the openers did their thing. None of us had heard of any of them (not that that means much), but we figured with limited energy to use, we'd rather spend it all on the big fellas. We got word that GT was playing at 11, so we headed over just before that. When we arrived some medicore hardcore-ish band was playing and nobody could tell us who they were (which should say something I think).

Tron set up their lights and keyboards then proceeded to rock. I went to college with these guys and even played with Hamilton (in a band called Storm the Bastille, hence the name of this blog). Though I supported these guys early on, I wasn't a huge fan of their early material and it really took me until last year's Board Up the House to enjoy their work. That album is pretty brilliant and now I'm getting more into Dead Mountain Mouth though I think their latest is a much more coherent, enjoyable listen. It's still challenging and disparate, but the elements all congeal perfectly whereas the earlier stuff was a bit jagged and awkward.

Anyway, I'm super stoked that GT have done so well for themselves and made a record that a lot of folks pegged for best of '08. They are awesome live and if anyone is on the fence about them, take a listen to Board Up the House. Oh, and they threw in a Big Black cover for good measure. I can't remember the title, though, because I'm lazy and stupid. But it was awesome.

When GT's set was done, they shocked the whole lot of us by announcing that the mighty Converge was on next. What happened to Coliseum? The shitty band we entered to, though they were using Coliseum's equipment, was emphatically not Coliseum. This was a huge letdown, as a bunch of us really wanted to see them. The last time I tried to catch them—at the old NorthSix—I got booted for immaturely bodyslamming a guy who kicked me in the back during the set. I don't really engage in pit antics, especially now, so I figured I'd last the whole bout this time. So it sucked that we missed them. The end.

Converge came on and took maybe three breaths between songs their whole set. It was one into the next which made for a pummeling, energy-filled performance. I've been lucky enough to have seen these guys for quite a few years now, but this was one of their best shows. The pit wasn't overwhelming to the point of ruinous, so that was a major plus, but they also pulled out the usual crowd faves like "The Saddest Day", "Locust Reign" (a particular favorite of mine), a couple from Jane Doe ("Concubine", "The Broken Vow"), a few from You Fail Me ("Last Light", "Eagles Become Vultures", and a bunch of new ones from No Heroes ("Heartache", "No Heroes"). I know I'm forgetting a couple at this point, but they also managed to squeeze in two brand new as-yet-untitled songs from the album they'll be recording in May. Both were fucking rippers, so there's no sign of letup from these guys. As long as Jacob refrains from singing on the upcoming record it should be all gravy.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It would be remiss of me to mention the origins of this blog and not post the actual song. Sure, I'm totally exposing Hamilton's pre-GT life (sorry dude), but I can also lay my claim to being GT's 4th member, as I'm 87% positive that my (lack of) drum skillz led directly to Ham's use of programmed drums. (No, I no longer play drums, as a few years ago I returned to the guitar, which I am much, much better at.) If anyone likes this Storm the Bastille (not to be confused with the PA screamo band) track, get in touch.

Storm the Bastille - "Spaceship Bastille"

The Murder

Hola amigos, just stoppin' in to let you know Chad, Matt & Rob have a new interactive adventure up that you should go check out. I won on the first try!



These guys are awesome. If you haven't watched any of their videos, go do that now because I know you're just procrastinating anyway.

Kylesa - Static Tensions

Man, I've missed seeing Kylesa the past couple times they've come through town and now I'm feeling kinda silly about being lazy like that. In some fashion or another I seem to have missed every advance review of their latest, Static Tensions, that just came out yesterday. I knew it was coming, but I just didn't read anything about it. That's probably for the best anyhow, since my ignorance left me with no biases going into this listen.

Gotta say I'm quite pleased. They still have the awesome sludge/psychedelic/hardcore thing going on, but they up the ante a bit by throwing in some more metal riffs into the mix. I've always enjoyed Kylesa's vocals; Phil's and Corey's gruff, tuneful deliveries contrast beautifully with Laura's haunting, angel-of-doom-in-a-nightmare singing. I also love that Laura just plain piledrives her own growls in there for good measure just to revel in the fact that she can sing and scream in equal measure. I could be mistaken but I think she has more parts on this new one than I remember, though I'm most likely wrong. Anyway, I really dig it.

When I first heard that they'd be opening—alongside Intronaut, whose latest, Prehistoricisms is rapidly growing on me—for Mastodon I was a bit taken aback. There's the whole heavy Georgia thing they share, but Kylesa has always been more "hardcore" in my mind than "metal" (not that they're exclusive). This album changes that for me, as it's a much more "metal"-ish release and snuggles them nicely in that ambiguous zone between labels that's often the signifier for an original, noteworthy act. Not sure why they have two drummers, still, as I couldn't notice any points where it's actually necessary (no Dale & Coady f'n around anywhere to be heard) and, thus, is superfluous. But the drumming is solid, if unspectacular and provides a foundation for the other three members to experiment a little more (perhaps this aspect is why they're still "hardcore" in my head).

Definitely worth picking up, in my opinion, and this may have pushed me back into the "yeah, I'll hit up the Mastodon show after all" camp. Well done and now I know what I'll be listening to on my way to work tomorrow.

The Most Fun I've Had In Years

March Madness is upon us, which also signals the time of year when many a whimsical "final four" type bracket appears to help us keep sanity at work. I wish I had know of this before, but Name of the Year is hosting its second annual "Name of the Year" Tournament. Throughout 2008 people sent in their favorite goofy (and real!!!) names as candidates for this award. Filling out one of these brackets is far, far, far more difficult than doing an NCAA bracket. It's also way funnier.

Print out brackets and get your friends together for a tournament that really matters: the Best Name of the Year.

2009 Is Going To Be A Kickass Music Year

If early signs are any indication of how the whole year may transpire, 2009 could turn out to be an amazing year for heavy music. I just caught Witch last week and, though it wasn't as great a performance as I would have hoped, it was a good warm up. Perhaps the economic climate is such that bands have no choice but to hit the road (which is paradoxical, since fans presumably have less money to spend at them), nevertheless they're out and they're out en masse.

I didn't get to Atlanta's Scion Rock Fest, but by all accounts it was pretty awesome. That event alone should portend good things for all things heavy, at least in the short term. If corporations are going to sponsor entertainment events, I'd much rather have them fund an event featuring the top tier of heavy music than, say, some sporting event (though what happened to Nachtmystium was stupid and unfortunate).

Anyway, here are some of the things to look forward to this year:

* Melvins silver anniversary shows
* Mastodon: new album, Crack the Skye (release March 24) and tour with Neurosis
* Converge: tour w/Coliseum & Genghis Tron. (And recording in May, from what I hear)
* Kylesa & Intronaut will be opening for The Haunted & Nachtmystium and then switching gears to open for the Mastodon/Neurosis tour!

All this will be happening between now and the end of May. The Mastodon/Neurosis/Kylesa/Intronaut shows here in NYC/BK will be an incredible birthday gift for yours truly and I'm psyched to see Converge and Genghis Tron at the end of this month. Maybe the second half of the year will suck taint, but if this first half proves as incredible as it looks on paper, then it'll take something catastrophic to render the whole year even mediocre.
~~~~~

Looks like I was completely wrong about the Neurosis thing. My mistake, I guess I misread the report from Scion.